Can You Count to Thirteen?
by himawarixxsandz
Summary: something about the bleach captains, i might do something about the lieutenants similar to this......reviews please!


First.

His hands rest tensely on the bulbously curved handle of his worn out staff. He taps the bottom tip on the wooden floor two times, silencing his colleagues.

They look at him and obey.

What else can you do when you are beneath the gaze of the oldest soul reaper alive?

Second.

She stalks past each door, her expression haughty with disdain. Her lieutenant makes the beginning sounds of a sentence, but she silences him with her glare.

A number of her subordinates—new ones, granted—attempt to greet her, only to receive a more vicious version of that glare.

They look at her and give up.

What else can you do when the most stubborn captain in Soul Society is glaring at you?

Third.

He smiles and bids them good morning. And even though his subordinates smile and greet him in response, they can't help but wonder if they are about to back up their breakfast.

He's always nice, this captain of theirs. Polite and pleasant, yet, it doesn't take multitudes of intuition to know that there's always been something wrong about him—and always will be…and most likely always has been.

But still, they smile and laugh with him, suppressing their suspicions all the while.

What else can you do when the creepiest captain in Soul Society is confronting you?

Fourth.

She orders you softly and gently to apply this ointment to your wounds for the next two weeks. And then, make sure to come back to her lieutenant for a check up—that was an acidic hollow, after all.

Her voice soothes you, and you smile shyly and agree with utter compliance, even though to another captain, you'd most likely glare and stomp away. But this is different.

Besides, what else can you do when the mother of soul reapers only wants the best for you?

Fifth.

He clasps your shoulder and asks you about the paperwork. When you complain to him, all he does is laugh and give a few soft-spoken words of encouragement. And even though he gives you more paperwork, albeit in an empathetically apologizing manner, he promises to watch a few minutes of your training later and maybe even spar with you himself.

Then, he pats your head and sends you on your merry way.

You do nothing but smile, thank him in surprise, and walk out the door.

What else can you do when the kindest of captains is giving you personal training?

Sixth.

He signs the last document and places it carefully on the mountainous stack before him. You can't help but stare at him—him, in all of his perfection…although, you'd rather die than admit that you find _him_ of all people good-looking, least of all: ethereal.

He quietly requests for you to take the paperwork away to its rightful filing cabinet. Even though it's a mere request, when spoken from those lips, it was nothing short of a threat.

But his words were always veiled thickly behind prettier syllables. And it makes you wonder if his actual self is the same. He's always so composed and perfect—like a stone masterpiece carved by the highest sculptors.

Perhaps there is turmoil beneath?

You quickly dismiss the disconcerting revelation and take the papers, trying not to stagger as you do so.

What else can you do in the presence of the most intimidating captain in all of Soul Society?

Seventh.

They don't know if he's glaring at them, smiling at them, or even sticking his tongue out at them—though that gesture would break character.

But even if they're new to this division, they aren't stupid, so they assume from his tone that he's merely looking at them with a brisk, business-like face.

How you're supposed to trust someone who won't reveal their face to you is irrelevant to them, they're completely intrigued every time he passed them.

When he asks them to go on a hollow-slaying mission, they go without protest or question.

Anything to stay in this division, and possibly find out the face behind the head…gear, or whatever it is.

What else can they do when faced with one of the biggest mysteries among the Thirteen Court Guard Squads?

Eighth.

He grins at you like an impish, little schoolboy and you just pull the layers of your uniform robes closer and tighten your sash. You also scoot down a few chairs. And in the midst of your filing, when you feel something wriggling and probing down…er…south, you grab the key to the filing cabinets and stab it into his hand. You know you aren't going to get anymore than a flirtatious scolding later and a request for a "forgiveness gift" that you sure as hell aren't going to give.

But, you think as you sigh and watch him bandage his hand and continue to grin at you, what else can you do when you're the latest fling of the Soul Society's most perverted captain?

Ninth.

Unseeing eyes regard them solemnly. The two young subordinates look guiltily at their feet, too ashamed to meet the eyes that can't look back, but can see better than many others could.

The two know that their captain will be fair and even if one or both of them are punished, the punishment will be utterly deserved.

So neither defends their self when he asks about the incident he heard they caused.

What else can you do when brought before Soul Society's most judicious captain?

Tenth.

You bite your lip, hoping it'll bleed and the pain will keep you serious. You know you should help him—he _is_ your captain, after all—but the sight is far too amusing, and when presented with a good opportunity as this, you should never end it prematurely.

But you really should help him, before he sees you and explodes and starts yelling until you are in need of a hearing aid. Smallness is no guarantee of docility, and the struggling boy in front of you is proof of that.

He has already revealed that his genius knowledge expands beyond the expanses of socially proper speech and into the territory of grammar commonly used by Eleventh Division.

And so, you allow yourself a small smirk, and quietly take the book on the top shelf and hold it out to your captain.

What else can you do when the shortest captain in Soul Society needs your help?

Eleventh.

He tosses his sword over his shoulder and scowls. The subordinates before him that are not his own cower and quickly disperse for cover. They don't know why they did the suicidal practice of coming out to witness this captain's morning routine. Perhaps morbid curiosity decided to honor them with a visit?

At his barking command, they back away and try not to look as though they wanted to grab their closest comrade and hold him or her tightly.

What else can you do when near a captain with that kind of monstrously demonic spiritual pressure?

Twelfth.

You stare at him for the corner of your eye warily. You especially watch his abnormally white fingers and their corresponding purple nails—also abnormal.

Even though you're eating and it's your day off, your tense and sprung like the metal spring in that human toy with the clown and the handle and the irritating song.

You want to be ready to move away at a moments notice, yet you can't move at all when he leers at you happily and asks you to join him in his lab. Your legs feel oddly numb—a minute ago they were fine.

You agree, even if your mind's screaming for you to run.

What else can you do when requested by the most insane of the captains?

Thirteenth.

You swipe away at your tears, using the cloth of your sleeve. He pats your back carefully and crouches down and offers you to come have tea with him. And even though you protest and reason that he's a captain and needs his rest—especially him, more than the others—he waves it off and says that he feels unusually healthy today and that you look worse for the wear.

You smile at his prodding and agree. Talking with your captain is always the best way to evaporate your doubts. And although you are normally scared out of your wits to tell anyone about your problems, the moment he asks you what's wrong, you immediately answer with the truth and nothing but it.

What else can you do when asked by the most understanding captain in Soul Society?

Old; Stubborn; Creepy; Motherly; Kind; Intimidating; Mysterious; Perverted; Judicious; Short (-tempered); Monstrous; Insane; Understanding.

If similar by no other means, there was one thing that no one could deny these thirteen all were: Interesting.


End file.
